Joke Silva Speaks About Her Marriage And Domestic Violence.
Veteran Nollywod actresss, Joke Silva in an interview with The Daily Times Saturday, she shares the secret behind her successful marriage, her thoughts on marriage break-ups, domestic violence, loving moments with her husband Olu Jacobs and more.
Read excerpts below
On domestic violence: I think I’m very happy more women are coming out to talk about it. It is important their partners must give themselves space” said Joke Silva.
Once the violence starts, give yourself space! I think it is the most spirit destroying action one can put on their lover. And it doesn’t only happen to women. It happens to men as well. I think it is sad that any relationship gets to that point where you need to break the spirit.
On her husband Olu Jacobs nickname: Ahh yes! His pet name is Omo boy and he feels excited and fulfilled whenever I call him that.
On marriage as a celebrity and the secret to her successful marriage: It doesn’t, not particularly. I think it’s important for people to know what their thresh hold of pain is, what their thresh hold of acceptability is, I think sometimes in this society we tend to say “Oh, you must stay in the marriage no matter what he does to you”, to the individuals who have stayed in the marriage.
You will hear of some women who have stayed with their husband right throughout the difficulty and when the husband dies, you hear them, they’re so bitter because it seems as if they wasted their life and this is something that the younger generation doesn’t want to go through. With that being said, I think also that there is a little need for both sides to see each other as human beings.
There is a tendency for us to have the wrath of a man, our boys are raised from when they’re babies, and they’re saying “ehh! Wo! O ma sawonbirin leshe” (he will deal with these women) (claps)… so when a woman all of a sudden, say that this man should become responsible, should become accepting, should be able to take a leadership position, where he is a servant leader, how?
He was never brought up to be a servant leader. He was brought up to be the king of kings and lord of lords! (Claps…). So, it’s a shift thing in mindset. It’s difficult but it’s something we have to do and that is why we are seeing what we’re seeing.
That is why the marriages are not making it. The women are like, “excuse me, I’ve gone to school, I do my share in this house” you know? Let me give you an example; I remember I had a brief conversation with someone where I said “Oh! WOW! Your house is beautiful. Ah! Well done to you and your wife.” He said “What did she contribute? It was me. I built it.” And I said “Sweetie, the fact that she wasn’t asking you for the money and she was making sure it was possible for you to build the house, if she did not give you a dime towards the house, her support to you building the house is her share in the house. Do you understand?
But you know, they weren’t built up to think like that so you find that a lot of mothers will say; when you are building your house, if it’s only the roof, if it’s only a few tiles you can buy, you should buy it so that you’ll have a claim of the house.